Traits Of Irresistible People (TIP) # 18: Make friends not enemies

Working and living with people who are the total opposite of who we are in regards to personality can be challenging and even sometimes frustrating. Over the years I have come to appreciate the fact that personalities have so much to do with who we get along with people of different personalities and in creating an enriching working environment.

Disagreements are stressful and difficult, and the more horrifying someone else’s viewpoint is, the easier it is to dismiss the people who hold those beliefs as inhuman garbage who simply can’t be reasoned with.

Enemies may seem an inevitable, painful part of life, but in many cases you can free yourself from all this stress and sorrow. Sure, you might be thinking, “Why the hell should I be the one to make amends when they started it?” And you might be right. But at what cost? Turning a foe into a friend isn’t something you do for them as much as it is something you do for you.  Enemies aren’t born, they are made, even if unwittingly.

You need to understand that no one can make you fight. You can consciously choose not to participate in hostility, no matter what the provocation. You have the power to decline their offer of war! So whatever the situation, you can alter the dynamics in an instant by removing yourself from the fight. By doing so, you will have changed the situation from a two-sided feud to a one-sided non-dispute.

People are naturally drawn to other people’s stories. However, getting drowned in gossiping or sharing overly personal information about others is a different story. These tantalizing information may be able to spice up your day, but gossip damages trust and destroys harmony. What you say in a small conversation will most probably spread out, often over a much wider radius than desired. So be mindful of your words, otherwise you may get trapped in the unhealthy cycle of endless gossiping. 

People’s entire personal identity is often wrapped up in their political or philosophical beliefs, and a strong verbal attack against those beliefs actually creates a response in the brain of the target similar to a big blow in the head.

One easy step towards being liked is to listen to others and find common ground through shared interests. This can be a bridge or a shortcut to getting other people to see you as a friend or part of their tribe.

It takes a special person to take that first step and admit they wronged someone, and then put that wrong right. It takes an exceptional person to take the first step when they believe they are the one who has been wronged. But if you take that step, the only thing you have to lose is an enemy.